I am a firm believer you need to romanticize your own life; no one is going to do it for you.
And, the easiest way to do that is to create little traditions with yourself.
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Traditions: Yes! You Can Literally Just Make Them Up!
I think a lot of women floating around quarter- to mid-life, like myself, might initially hear the word “tradition” and jump to images of dusty sacraments they are beholden to at Thanksgiving or Christmas, usually at the directive of a elder matriarch or patriarch.
Another common logical fallacy I have fallen trap to time and time again is the belief we must wait to inherit the rituals culture has already scripted around a husband, a family, a house with a name on the gate.
However, I posit that creating your own traditions now is the single most important thing you can do to romanticize your life. And yes! You can literally just make them up! You don’t need anyone’s permission, but, if you are still looking for some external validation, just know you have mine! (and maybe consider teasing that out further with your therapist!).
Creating traditions is completely indifferent to your circumstances. You need not wait for the white picket fence, the husband, the 2.5 children, the promotion, or the right balance in your bank account. All that is required is a fixed point on the calendar and your will to decide it means something.
Just like burning the good candles or eating on your fine china, you do not — and should not — have to wait for an amorphous “someday” to come. You can design your own small, self-authored rites today.
The Lauren Letter will always be free. But if this space has become something you look forward to—a small ritual in your week, a source of inspiration, a reminder to approach life with more intention—you now have the option to support it.
The Recipe
I’ve built enough of these now to notice a formula. If you’re looking to start your own, these four checkpoints will help you as you ideate:
Time-related, or seasonal. Anchor it to something on the calendar — a season, a month, a specific event/occurrence, a holiday, a birthday, an anniversary. The date is what turns an activity into a tradition; it’s what makes it return instead of just happening once.
Feasible for repetition. It has to survive contact with an actual, busy life. If it requires enormous effort, a specific person’s schedule, or a windfall, it will die by year three. Design it so future-you can actually pull it off.
Not so feasible you end up doing it daily. This isn’t supposed to be a habit. A tradition needs enough scarcity to stay special — you want to enjoy the anticipation of feeling it coming. *Note, I have one exception to this rule below!
Speaks to your values. This is the non-negotiable ingredient. If it doesn’t connect to something you actually care about — beauty, faith, story, nostalgia, generosity, family, whatever it is for you — it’s just a task with a euphemistic name.
What Some of Mine Look Like
A few from my own running list, for a sense of scale — some are luxurious, some are absurdly quirky, but all count:
The little tradition that started it all: a solo lunch at Bergdorf’s, even if just for 30 minutes, with a glass of champagne and dessert, every time I’m in New York City.
Carter and I exchange our first Christmas ornament of the season on Thanksgiving day. We usually pick out something representative of the past year for each other, and it’s the perfect grand welcome to the holiday season.
Every year on my birthday, I select a new Herend figurine for my collection.
I also watch the film About Time every year during my birthday week.
Elin Hilderbrand’s Nantucket books are exclusively reserved for May-August reading. Each summer my first crack of a Hilderbrand spine feels magical!
Speaking of books, once I finish a title, I place a customized bookplate inside its front cover.
Probably my most random but one of my most beloved: On the first Saturday that truly feels like fall, I watch the campy and honestly absurd Diana: The Musical.
If Carter and I are somewhere where a couple has just gotten engaged, we send them over a bottle of champagne!
On hard, disappointing, or just “off” days, I read poetry out loud (to myself, to Charlie, to Carter).
Every September, we host “Soup-tember” in our kitchen! Each week, one of us makes a new soup recipe, but we always start with my Grandma Barb’s chicken and wild rice.
Instead of anniversary gifts, Carter and I take turns selecting a case of wine for our collection that represents the year we had.
Around New Year, I make a vision board on my Pinterest! I set aside a quiet afternoon and sip a special, fizzy drink with a Jane Austen film-adaptation playing in the background as a I pin and manifest away.
And, probably my simplest one but the most impactful (and my exception to the non-daily rule!): every morning, I start my day by writing in my gratitude journal — three things I am grateful for, and why, to be specific. The true secret to romanticizing your life is finding gratitude within every single crevice of it, no matter how seemingly inconsequential or mundane.
None of these required a different life than the one I have right now. That’s the point — I didn’t wait to deserve them!
Now It’s Your Turn
Pick a date already fixed on your calendar — a season change, a birthday, a holiday you already mark. Attach one small, specific, values-driven ritual to it. Do it once on purpose. Do it again, on purpose. And there — you have a little tradition with yourself! Plus, it’s already romantic, because you’re the one who decided it mattered.
P.S. I promise to always keep The Lauren Letter free as my little exercise of trying to make the world a bit more beautiful. If, in return, you could considering giving this post a “like” or share with a friend, it would just mean the world to me.
Will you share soup recipes?! I'll share back! 💗